Growing Belly, Growing Goals

My entire life (or what seems like it) I've battled the scale - it's always about losing weight.

Now, all of a sudden, I have to be able to gain weight and be okay with it. The number on the scale is slowly increasing - 157, 158.9, 160.4. Depending on the day, I've gained 3-5 pounds since getting pregnant.

That 3-5 pounds is showing. I swear it's all packed on to my stomach. That's because I eat carbs morning, noon, and night to fight the so-called "baby barfs." Carbs go right to the stomach - the ever-growing stomach.

My goal for the first trimester is to only gain 5 pounds. That means I need to maintain my weight for the next four weeks. I don't even know if that's possible - I've never done this before!

To do that, I'm setting these smalls goals:
- Stay away from empty calories
- Try eating fruit when I can stomach it, instead of crackers & bread
- Work-out for 30 min. each weekday

What else can I do? I'm feeling lost and confused in this new world of pregnancy and weight-gain/maintain.

New Year's Resolutions

I keep a journal… well I should say, I have a journal that I’ve written in a handful of times over the past two years. I’m writing in it so little that I have several years of resolutions in it.
2008 Goals:
-Weigh 140 pounds
-Dance again
-Reporting within 2 years
2009 Goals:
-Weigh 140 pounds
2010 Goals:
-Weigh 140 pounds
-Be on TV
Can you guys guess how much I want to weigh? At the beginning of this year I decided this was my year. This year, 2010, I would finally accomplish everything I’d ever dreamed of. Of the two goals on my 2010 list, I would consider the weight loss the easier of the two. Right? How though, has it been my goal for years – I mean years. That resolution dates back to 2000, at least.

In a month and a half I’ll write a new list of goals. As it stands now, as tradition, I’ll probably have to write weigh 140 pounds at the top. Then I’ll have another year to miss the mark. The vicious cycle will start again – and December 2011 I’ll be writing up another list – also starting with weigh 140 pounds.

I have an alternative plan – one I’ve never done. In a month and a half I’ll skip that goal – there will be no reason to write weigh 140 pounds because I will already weigh that amount.

There are still 39 days in this year. That is still enough to accomplish that stupid goal. I will cross it off the list. I am done with that ridiculous resolution – I will not lead my list with it for another year.

My New Year’s Resolution Resolution starts now.

How Many Cameras Are On You?

I can't even decide where to start. It's been quite a few weeks since I've updated. First let me say sorry to all my lovely blog-amigos that I've been neglecting. Secondly, a sorry to Marbear who has been rocking the Fall Focus while I've been ignoring the emails!

Now, to tonight. There's a "Friends" episode where the whole gang is around the TV watching an old home video of "Fat Monica." When someone comments about Monica's (Courtney Cox's) weight she quickly says, "the camera adds ten pounds." Only to be shot down by Chandler saying, "How many cameras were on you?"

Well, that's what I was asking myself after the 11 p.m. show, watching how it went. It seriously looked like the buttons on my blazer were about to pop off. I'm simply mortified. To make it worse, yes looking too big for your clothes can be worse - during the show there was a story about dieting and I adlibbed, "I'm just glad I don't have to give up my chocolate." I'm sure viewers were looking at me thinking, "Ummm... it's time to give that chocolate up."

But in my real world - yes, I need to give chocolate up. My husband is still in Las Vegas. So I keep finding myself drowning my stress, sorrows, and all emotion into a bag of Halloween chocolates. Tonight, it's cheese and crackers.

I have to get back on the band-wagon. To do that, all I can do is start with goals.

1. Eat less than 1800 calories a day
2. Only eat when I'm hungry
3. Eat plenty of fruits and veggies
4. Exercise 5 times a week

Fall Focus Goals

Fall is my absolute favorite time of the year.  The crisp cold air, the leaves changing, the holidays... but as you all know, all that comes with hot apple cider and pumpkin pie!  Not to mention the one thing that rivals food for the top diet disaster - stress!  Between dealing with traveling, family, cooking, and preparing for Christmas - my favorite time of year can pretty quickly become one of the worst times.  That's why this year I'm preparing for more than just candy corn and candied apples.  I need to be ready to combat that lame holiday stress.

Goals for the fall focus:
1. First and foremost, get to my goal weight!  Just 13 pounds to go!  With nine weeks, I only need to lose about 1.5 pounds each week.
2. Train for and run a half marathon
3. Add 5 fruits/veggies to my daily diet
4. Keep my stress to-do list close to my heart nearby

Stress is Coming: These are some of the stressers I'm going to face this fall.
-starting a new job
-moving

-money

-being away from my hubby

-traveling

Stress-Free To-Dos

My world seems to be spiraling out of control - well, not my entire world.  My half-marathon training is going perfectly.  Every time I hit the pavement I surprise myself, running 4 miles last weekend!  My time is getting faster and faster each time - I'm at an 11 minute-mile.

Now, here's where my world starts crumbling - the kitchen.  As I run faster, I begin throwing food in my mouth faster.  The story in the kitchen is pretty unfortunate.  I can't stay out - just eating anything and everything I can get my hands on; ice cream, Cheetos, crackers, pudding, chocolate - anything.

I've been trying to figure out why I am letting my diet get out of control.  The winner, STRESS.  I am so stressed out by my job, cooking, cleaning, getting sleep, sending out resumes... the list goes on.

A close second place, I'm afraid of being skinny.  Because I am burning so many calories with my half-marathon training my brain has apparently decided to overeat to make sure I don't lose weight.  Last week I ran a total of 10 miles and cross-trained for another hour, but somehow I gained almost 2 pounds.  Of course when I say 'somehow' I mean... by eating ice cream, cheetos and crackers.

Last month I wrote about my chocolate escape - eating to escape the reality of life.  A lot of my wonderful blog readers supporters urged me to write a list of things I could do instead of binging.  I did just that!

When something other than hunger sends me to the kitchen I will look at my 'Stress-Free To-Do' list instead.
1. write
2. dance
3. take a walk, at least to the mailbox
4. get out of the house
5. head to the gym
6. read
7. bubble bath
8. scrapbook
9. organize something

First Comes Health

My whole life my weight loss battle has been just that - a weight loss battle.  Everything about my quest to get healthy has never had anything to do with health, but everything to do with my dress size, the pounds on the scale, and eliminating cellulite.

This week, however, all that changed.  Last week, I told you about my new goal to run a half-marathon.  This was my first week of training and it was not easy.  I ran a total of 5 1/2 (and some change in my pathetic attempt to run 3 miles).  Plus, I had 30 minutes of weight-lifting and another hour of cross-training. 

My obsessions with the scale and calories made a 180.  Instead, my thoughts were full of tips to finish my runs, plans for cross training, and stretching.

When I constantly think about the foods I should and shouldn't eat I find myself munching everything, standing in the middle of the kitchen grabbing anything from any shelf that looks half-way appetizing.  This week that didn't happen.

It was probably a mix of things keeping me out of the kitchen including that I just didn't have time!  Training takes a lot of time, so I didn't even have a moment to consider the binge walk around my kitchen.  Second - crap food doesn't sound good when you have a workout regimen to stick to.

Here's the perfect example - on date night my husband and I went to Chili's.  My go-to meal choice is the Chicken Crispers at a whopping 1290 calories.  When I sat down I thought about ordering the fried-deliciousness, but that deliciousness didn't sound delicious at all.  When I thought about it... I pictured how it would feel in my stomach - heavy, stale, sticky and ugh (yes, ugh is a verb).  Instead, I chose the Caribbean Salad with Grilled Chicken at 620 calories (that's with dressing, and I did not have the dressing).  I can honestly say, I felt like salad.  I wanted to fill myself up with fresh pineapple and romaine lettuce.  Yum.

What else can being healthy first conquer?  The scale.  As many of you know, I'm obsessed with it - weighing myself before bed, when I wake up, before and after going to the bathroom, with clothes on, without clothes on, even after blowing my nose (yeah, I know - pathetic).  This week I weighed myself once - one time people.  By the time the weekend rolled around, I was thrilled to step on the scale to 2.3 weight loss.

Everything was easier this week when I put health first.  I didn't get lost in the calorie-counting and pound obsessing and look at that - 2.3 pounds gone.  Even before the scale patted me on the back for a week well done, I felt great.. and dare I say, looked great.

You Can't Catch Me, I'm the Gingerbread Man

Well, actually, you probably can catch me.  And wow, gingerbread sounds good right about now!  Okay, okay - now to what this post is about - I have mapped out my half marathon training plan!

This will be my first 1/2 marathon.  I am so excited and a little bit nervous.  I am using Hal Higdon's Novice 12-week plan.  To be ready for the Rock n' Roll Las Vegas marathon I have to start in three weeks.  But I'm adding three extra weeks - the first two will help me get up to three weeks.  The third will be a repeat of the 4 mile week. 
 
Here's the schedule:
Week 1:
Mon: 2 miles
Tue: 20 minutes cross-training
Wed: 2.5 & 30 min. strength training
Thur: REST!
Fri: 30 min. cross-training
Sat: 3 miles (almost, only ran 1 mile... ran/walked the rest)
Sun: REST!

Week 2 (8.30.10 - 9.5.10):
Mon: 2.5 miles
Tue: 20 min. cross-training
Wed: 2.5 miles & 30 min. strength training
Thur: REST!
Fri: 30 min. cross-training
Sat: 3 miles
Sun: REST!

Week 3 (9.6.10 - 9.12.10):
Mon: 3 miles
Tue: 20 min. cross-training
Wed: 3 miles & 30 min. strength training
Thur: REST!
Fri: 30 min. cross-training
Sat: 4 miles
Sun: REST!

Week 4: (9.13.10 - 9.19.10)
Mon: 3 miles
Tue: 20 min. cross-training
Wed: 3 miles & 30 min. strength training
Thur: REST!
Fri: 30 min. cross-training
Sat: 4 miles
Sun: REST!

Week 5: (9.20.10 - 9.26.10)
Mon: 3 miles
Tue: 30 min. cross-training
Wed: 3 miles & 30 min. strength training
Thur: REST!
Fri: 30 min. cross-training
Sat: 4 miles
Sun: REST!

Week 6: (9.27.10 - 10.3.10)
Mon: 3.5 miles
Tue: 30 min. cross-training
Wed: 3.5 miles & 30 min. strength training
Thur: REST!
Fri: 40 min. cross-training
Sat: 5 miles
Sun: REST!

Week 7:
Mon: 3.5 miles
Tue: 30 min. cross-training
Wed: 3.5 miles & 30 min. strength training
Thur: REST!
Fri: 40 min. cross-training
Sat: 5 miles
Sun: REST!

Week 8:
Mon: 4 miles
Tue: 30 min. cross-training
Wed: 4 miles & 30 min. strength training
Thur: REST!
Fri: REST!
Sat: 5K
Sun: REST!

Week 9:
Mon: 4 miles
Tue: 30 min. cross-training
Wed: 4 miles & 30 min. strength training
Thur: REST!
Fri: 40 min. cross-training
Sat: 6 miles
Sun: REST!

Week 10:
Mon: 4.5 miles
Tue: 30 min. cross-training
Wed: 4.5 miles & 30 min. strength training
Thur: REST!
Fri: 50 min. cross-training
Sat: 7 miles
Sun: REST!

Week 11:
Mon: 4.5 miles
Tue: 30 min. cross-training
Wed: 4.5 miles & 30 min. strength training
Thur: REST!
Fri: 50 min. cross-training
Sat: 8 miles
Sun: REST!

Week 12:
Mon: 5 miles
Tue: 30 min. cross-training
Wed: 5 miles & 30 min. strength training
Thur: REST!
Fri: 60 min. cross-training
Sat: 9 miles
Sun: REST!

Week 13:
Mon: 5 miles
Tue: 30 min. cross-training
Wed: 5 miles & 30 min. strength training
Thur: 2 miles
Fri: REST!
Sat: 10k
Sun: REST!

Week 14:
Mon: 5 miles
Tue: 30 min. cross-training
Wed: 5 miles & 30 min. strength training
Thur: REST!
Fri: 60 min. cross-training
Sat: 10 miles
Sun: REST!

Week 15:
Mon: 30 min. strength training
Tue: 4 miles
Wed: 30 min. strength training
Thur: 2 miles
Fri: REST!
Sat: REST!
Sun: 1/2 marathon

What are your thoughts?  I especially want to hear from the people who have done this before.

I'm kind of worried about scheduling a 10K only two weeks before the marathon.  Obviously a 10K is less distance than the 9 miles Hal Higdon requests I run that week.  In November, there is only one 10K happening in Las Vegas.  I really feel like I should get out and run on the road to get an idea of what it's like to run around other people in a race situation.

I'm also a little concerned about the cross training.  My cardio has always been running.  What are my options for cross-training; cycling, swimming, and.... what?

Two is Better Than One Three

Taste has little to do with binging.  Yes, it may start out as an innocent bite of something delicious, but after dozens of bites it turns into ravaging-animalistic quest to eat the most, the quickest.

Binging turns my favorite ice cream, chocolate or chips into a drug to numb my feelings.  It's actually quite disgusting/embarrassing when I think about it - I go from taking a bite of something to throwing it into my mouth as fast as possible.  It's all about leaving no crumbs behind.  There's no thought process involved, just munching to munch.  It's a blind attempt to fill my stomach as fast as possible.

This happened to me today, well, kind of.  When I got home from work and running errands I was starving (that's the first sign that something bad will happen when I walk into the kitchen).  While making lunch I opened the fridge to find leftover cupcakes - not your average cupcake, homemade lemon cupcakes filled with lemon curd and topped with lemon frosting.  I can't deny that the flavor of these things is divine - probably one of the best treats I've ever had.  That's why I grabbed one while making lunch.  I enjoyed every bite of lemony goodness.  When I was done I should have been able to be content - that taste had made an appearance in my day and that should have been enough.  But, I'm obsessed with food - so I don't know what would make me think I could stop eating on this particular day with this particular food.

I grabbed a second cupcake.  This one did not taste as good.  I ate it in the same way you've see lions going at a wildebeest on the discovery channel - no mercy.  I tore that thing apart pretty good - within seconds it was gone devoured.

I reached into the fridge for a third cupcake.  Finally, the voice in my head woke up and started talking, telling me to back away from the treats.  I followed orders and ate lunch instead.

After lunch, you will not believe this, my first thought was cupcake.  (yeah, it wasn't even a full sentence.  Just caveman-like "cupcake.")  I was stuffed - two cupcakes and a full lunch doesn't leave a lot of room for more food.

I considered my options:
1) eat another cupcake
2) don't eat another cupcake

I considered how each option would play out:
1) by my binging standards I should definitely eat another one, but I already didn't feel good.  I am stuffed and adding another 300 calorie cupcake won't help the matter.  Will the cupcake even taste good, will those calories be worth it if I'm just throwing it down my throat?
2) if I don't eat a third the worst case scenario would be that I could have one tomorrow.  By tomorrow I won't be stuffed, I can actually enjoy the sugary treasure.

Obviously the worst case scenario of the 2nd option was really not that bad.  I took number two up on it's offer.  I finished my day without adding a third cupcake to my log of calories.

Could an epiphany been nice before I got to the second cupcake?  Yeah, but at least it came.  I was able to walk away without feeling (too) stuffed.

My goal for next time - one is enough.  One is better than two.  But for today, because after all I'm a work in progress - two will have to be better than three!  I'm counting this as a victory.

Living Life Moment

Today I had to go to the DMV.  Instead of complaining I explained to my friend that I was thrilled to be there because my husband's car finally passed emissions.  I was also very nice and talkative to the woman at the counter.  A typically bad experience was a much better one instead!

Excuses, Excuses

A few weeks ago my church held a special challenge (I promise this won't be a religious post - so keep going!) that everyone in the congregation read scriptures daily with their families.  To demonstrate the challenge half-a-dozen families were picked to report on their progress during Sunday School.

Each family had different circumstances - military family, newlyweds, empty-nesters, a family with young children, and a family with older children.  Along with their different circumstances - they all had their different excuses about how they could not possibly take 10-15 minutes a day to read scriptures.  My jaw dropped all the way to the ground by the end of the lesson as each couple stood in front of the crowd reporting their half-hearted attempt to read scripture. (Don't get me wrong, I'm no angel - but I also wasn't asked to talk about it in front of my entire congregation!  If that's not motivation, I don't know what is!)

The military wife stood up first - she said something along the lines of "We were doing okay, but then my husband was deployed."  Okay, that's understandable - a good excuse in my book.

Then the couple with young children stood up to report their results.  They began explaining how it's hard to wrangle three young children when their father gets home from work - and how making sure dinner was on the table and the kids had baths was more important.  Again, understandable.

Next, was the couple with teenagers.  Their excuse - work and teen extracurricular activities got in the way.  Been there, done that (as a teen) so I can understand.

Finally, the empty-nesters.  Surely having no children at home would make it possible to read scriptures each day.  I probably shouldn't have been shocked to hear yet another excuse - as I had already heard several others - but again an excuse.  The husband started with, "I work 12 hours a day."  Yadda, yadda, yadda - we don't have time to read scriptures.

Okay - now to my point.  Thanks for bearing with me.

I've been thinking about all those excuses a lot today because I just started a new schedule and am gladly latching on to my newest excuse to skip exercise!  My new schedule is Monday - Friday overnights.  Working from 10 p.m. to 8 the next morning and then sleeping from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. makes everything else impossible!

I didn't exercise today.  My excuse - my too-crazy-to-do-anything schedule.  Okay, so it is a good excuse for the time being.  So say I just decided to skip exercise all together while I'm on this schedule.  Then when I have my first baby what will I do?  Will life be getting any easier?  What about when my kids are teens - will it be easier to squeeze in a measly 30 minutes of physical activity?  Finally, when my kids are out of the house - will I still not have time to exercise?  Anything can be an excuse, but not everything can be a priority.

If I want exercise to be part of my life - it's up to me to make it part of my life.  I can't just hope my boss will come to me and say, "Oh so you haven't been able to exercise with this schedule - now let me change it for you."  (who's to say I wouldn't come up with a whole new excuse with a new schedule!)  Life will never get less-stressful or easier - it's now or never.  I have to make exercising a priority or it won't happen.  Now on to the gym - oh wait, I have to make dinner.

Living Life Moment

 As promised, I'm writing about the moment I really took life in today.  Well, it didn't happen.  But I have an example of a moment I should have sat back and enjoyed life.  My husband picked me up from work (we're having car troubles).  We had about 15 minutes to talk and have fun with each other - and we did, but I wasn't really taking it all in or enjoying it.  Instead I was thinking about what was coming next, how I would format my day, and of course complaining about my work day.  My living life moments don't have to be something extravagant, but can be something as simple as taking the time to enjoy my husband.  Well, I'll give it a better try tomorrow!

+1 (pound)

Too bad I'm not talking about my guest to the wedding I went to this weekend.  Instead, I'm talking about the lovely scale.  I gained a pound.  This is probably the first time that I'm not upset about the gain.  I had an insane week - I spent three days on the road, eating out everyday, all day.  I had planned for it in this post.  Here's how things worked out:

Exercise:

Between Friday - Sunday I worked out once.  Luckily there was a gym at the hotel I stayed at.  I jogged/walked for 30 minutes on Friday after arriving at the hotel.

Friday Goals:

I made a goal to skip the dinner roll at the wedding reception.  I did just that!  Later my husband told me it was a marginal roll that was so hard he could hardly rip it apart.  I ate about half of the dinner.  The slice of wedding cake was tiny, I ate only about 2/3s of it - which was not very much.

Saturday Goals:

Breakfast in the hotel was cereal and fat free milk, as planned.  I also had a banana.  For lunch my hubby and I went to California Pizza Kitchen.  I skipped my regular pizza order for a salad, but my husband let me have one single slice.  I had some sunflower seeds while driving - probably not the best idea, but hey, it was better than the Frito's calling my name during the drive.  I made the worst choice of all at dinner - quesadilla at an authentic Mexican restaurant, along with chips to start.  However, I did not eat all of the chips - I stopped way before my entree arrived.  Plus, the eating ended when I was full!

Sunday Goals:

For breakfast I had 2 mini fruit parfaits at McDonalds - and I skipped on the hash brown that my husband apparently ordered for me.  At lunch my husband and I were in line at a place with fried chicken and philli cheese steak.  I pulled myself together to leave the line - and went to another shop with fresh sandwiches.  I had a veggie sandwich on homemade bread, it was delicious (and expensive - lame Universal Studios prices).  On the ride home I bought a pack of mnm's - I was craving them all week.  I bought just a small pack instead of the usual medium size pack I buy on road trips.  I didn't have dinner on Sunday.

As far as my Summer Focus goals - I failed every single one. This week will be much better - here's where I'm tracking those goals.

These are my goals for the upcoming week:

1 - Lose some weight - to lose my goal of 16 pounds I need to get back on track by losing 2 pounds this week.

2 - Working out 4 times a week is not that hard - I just need to do it.  I always push it back to the last four days of the week - but this week I'm going to get them done in the first four days.

3 - Keep 100% calories

4 - Weigh myself only on Monday

5 - Run at least 1.5 miles

6 - Remember to live life, for each post I will mention the moment I remembered to live life that day

Living Life Moment

Today I played battleship with my husband!  It was a blast - we were both fighting to be the Americans in a war scenario.  In fact at one point we both started signing USA Pride songs - pretty ridiculous.  I adore him.  And by the way, we tied!

 

Crampin' My Style

I usually know something's a problem when my husband notices it - this falls into that category.

A couple weeks ago I was complaining about, yes, the 20 pounds I want to lose when my husband interjected something along the lines of, "You throw all of your hard work away during a few days every month." I instantly knew he was talking about the week of my lovely visitor, "Mother Nature." I was kind of taken aback that he realized my calorie intake went so far up during the week of my period. I probably gain around 5 pounds during this awful week! It's hard though - and most of you probably understand - the cravings, the cramps - how do I not skip the gym and grab some chocolate? That's not a rhetorical question - seriously, how do I not skip the gym and grab some chocolate?

This week, the week, I'm trying to stay focused on my goals and not on my pain. On day three I've done pretty good- with eating well each day and exercising yesterday.

Usually, I grab a bag of DOVE chocolates the instant I feel any kind of pain. This week I'm realizing those DOVE chocolates don't actually help anything. In fact, most of the time I don't think I'm actually having a craving as I am making an excuse to eat poorly. I mean, seriously, does pizza really help anything?

As far as the exercise goes - this week I decided I would be easy on myself. Yesterday I went to the gym with the intention of walking uphill on the treadmill. It went so well that I put in some sprints and jog intervals after a half hour. And I was fine! Usually I am just too sick to even get out of bed, but after yesterday's workout my cramps have been really moderate! I've heard rumors that exercise helps with cramps - but usually I'm too sick to test out the theory. Maybe there is truth to it (although I've been eating a ridiculous number of ibuprofen so it's hard to say).

Sorry Mother Nature, you're not crampin' my style this month!

The Pie.

I'm about a dozen feet away from the most delicious pie I've ever tasted. There are four slices left, an estimated 2,760 calories. And guess who's guilty of putting the pie in the fridge? Me! I did it.

For the last week or so my husband has been bugging me to make a Marie Callender's pie from a copycat recipe my friend found online. Last week I decided I would make the pie on Monday to celebrate his 6 months clean (yay!).

All week long I've been prepping myself for the temptation. I decided I would eat one slice and let the leftovers sit in my fridge untouched! Yesterday was the day I had prepared myself for. I made the pie without licking the spoon or the bowel. I let the pie sit in the fridge for a full 4 hours before helping myself. I cut the pie into 6 even slices and slowly enjoyed every bite. Now, the hardest part - avoiding the temptation to eat the remaining four slices. So far, so good.

The slice I had last night was sinfully delicious and well worth it - now I'm trying to teach my body that it was enough. I didn't feel guilty when I ate the piece of pie last night. It's okay to eat a slice of pie, it's not okay to eat an entire pie. I want to know that anytime I want a single slice of pie I can have it. I just need to figure out how to only want pie (and other goodies) just once in awhile.

Now, I need to tell you about this pie. My husband and I discovered it at Marie Callender's two weeks ago. In a matter of four days we ate two full pies. I didn't think much of our pie binge until I told my friend about the delicious dessert. She found the aforementioned recipe and made her own.

This is the really crazy part - the day after our conversation she told me she made the pie. I immediately asked her if it was good. She told me she hadn't tasted it yet! What?! She seriously let an entire chocolate pie with Oreo crust sit in her fridge for more than one hour. She explained that it had to be refrigerated for 4 hours, but still, I have been known to eat things way before they're done cooling.

Now this story gets even more bizarre. The next day she brought more than half of the pie into work. She gave the leftover pieces to our co-workers. My jaw dropped. This pie sat in her fridge for more than 48 hours and she managed to eat less than half. I remembered asking myself, Why can't that be me? Why can't I do that?

Well, I want to do that. I want to be unaffected by food. I want to know something's delicious, but not feel like I must have it immediately. This is a great step - I went a week without making it, then I only ate one slice, and now I'm not even feeling like grabbing a slice. I hope this will help me mend my relationship with food. Stupid pie.

One Week Down, 7 To Go

This week seemed like the longest of my life. Work was crazy, my personal life was crazy and I didn't get anything done! How can I be constantly on the move, but still not finish my checklist?

I'm pretty excited about my first week of the Summer Challenge!

Here's my goal report:
1. Lose 2 pounds a day - check!
I actually almost doubled that - losing 3.8 pounds. I now weigh 157! It's a little premature to get excited about this because this is the bottom of my yo-yoing range. This week I really need to prove to myself that I can keep eating healthy and working out.
2. Work out a minimum of 4 times a week - FAILED!
I only worked out twice last week. Less than half of my goal. This week I really need to make it happen and not let myself make excuses.
3. Keep a 100% accurate list of my calorie intake - ALMOST!
I kept track of everything I ate between Monday and Friday. My work schedule on the weekend is overnights and it's hard for me to stay on top of everything. That's hardly an excuse though, and I'll specifically focus on that this week. Even though I didn't write everything down, I'm about 90% positive I stayed within my calories.
4. Only weigh myself on Mondays - FAILED!
Okay, I'm lame. Maybe I should be giving myself grades because an F is harsh. This would be around a C. I weighed myself twice this week.
5. Be able to run 5 miles - SUCCESS!
I ran one mile this week, well on the way running 5 by the end of the week!

Overall I'm pretty proud of myself - I skipped a lot, and I mean a lot, of snacking opportunities. That probably played a huge role in my weight loss.

This Week:
I need to follow through! I'm happy about my weight loss, but I want to prove to myself that I can keep promises I make to myself. This week I will specifically be focused on goal 3 - writing down everything I eat!

Calories, Vanity Weight & Jillian Michaels

Today I met Ali Vincent! For those of you who don't know, she's the first female winner of "The Biggest Loser." I absolutely love that show, and if you watch people go through a weight loss journey you really feel like they are part of your life.

Right when I met Ali I began picking her brain.

First - what in the world are they eating on "The Biggest Loser." I feel like I just can't master what to eat, when to eat it, how much of it to eat. Ali says she ate 1200 calories while on the ranch. (Keep in mind that she's 5'5). Now she eats up to 2500 calories because of her intense workouts and because she is no longer trying to lose weight.

BUT - no matter how many calories you choose to eat you should separate them this way. According to Ali, you should split your calories into 4 equal parts - use three of the sections for meals and the fourth section for pre and post workout snacks.

Oh and I have to tell you this tip - it's going to change my sister's life - "eating after 5 p.m. is crap." If you're working out after 5 p.m. there needs to be calories fuel for that workout.

As you all know, I'm trying to lose 20 pounds. She looked at me and said, "You look great, you look physically healthy - for you it's not about saving your life. It's about vanity weightloss." Oh the lovely "vanity weight." She said her last 20 pounds were the hardest. Thanks for the encouragement Ali. Really though, it got me thinking. I do want to weigh less, I want to look better in a swim suit, and I want to be able to pull off skinny jeans - so it makes sense, vanity. BUT I have such a bad relationship with food. My life may not be in trouble physically, but mentally I have something I need to work out. There's a reason I have food following me around taunting me.

Now to the gossip, well kind of. I asked her about Jillian Michael's new show "Losing It with Jillian." She told me she had a hard time watching it because it's so much in so little time. On The Biggest Loser Ranch they have months where they work with the trainers, on the Losing It show - they have one week. I asked, "I just don't get it, how can Jillian come in and all of a sudden they know how to lose weight?" Ali says they all get a lot of help - trainers, etc. It's good to know I'm just not missing something. Oh and she rolled her eyes at some point during this conversation, hmmm? I still love Jillian Michael's show!

All in all, Ali is a sweetheart. She was very nice to my co-workers and I. It was a great to meet someone who inspired me (and America) while changing her own life!

Now I just need a nice long chat (no yelling) with Jillian.

The Weight Box

When I was in junior high I asked my mom to buy a "weight box."  It's hard to believe that there was a time when I didn't know what a scale was called.  Now not only do I know what the little box that holds all my secrets is called, I am obsessed with it.  Obsessed.

Yesterday I made a list of goals as I started a 8 week summer challenge.  So far, the hardest goal to defeat was the one that looked the easiest - only weigh myself on Mondays.  This morning it took all I had to avoid digging through the bathroom cabinet to grab the scale that I hid yesterday.  I hurried to the kitchen and ate breakfast - because I cannot weigh myself after eating.

A couple years ago I read that it's best to weigh yourself everyday so you can keep track of where you are - what works and what doesn't.  Perfect excuse to continue my obsession.  But my mom hates that idea.  I've told her a hundred times about this article and she always tells me no, it's bad - the scale is my total undoing.  She'll explain how she'll be on a roll with exercise and healthy eating but when the scale doesn't reflect that she loses it.

My mom is probably right - that I shouldn't weigh ourselves everyday.  I can think of a billion times that I've reached 155 pounds and I just go crazy.  I start shoveling things into my mouth until I weigh 160 lbs. again.  Last week I put in some strong workouts on Monday and Tuesday.  On Wednesday the scale said I was 2 pounds heavier.  WHAT!?!?!??  Well, all I can say is I did not workout the rest of the week.

I don't want my whole life to revolve around what my scale tells me.  I'm pretty happy about the fact that I didn't weigh myself today... of course I'm still thinking about next Monday when I can, but at some point I hope to stop thinking about the stupid scale... and one day even forget what it's called :)

Just 90 Minutes

When I get home I sit down on my couch with lunch and turn on my DVR. I watch about an hour of shows and will sometimes throw in a movie. When I'm done with my lunch I head to the kitchen to grab another snack. It's a vicious cycle that lasts the entire 2 1/2 hours of time in front of the TV.

I would even go so far to call my watching TV a "trigger" to using (in other words, eating). Addicts have triggers -- whether it be a smoker lighting up every time they get in their car or an alcoholic heading to the bar because of a stressful day.

Today I'm starting with a challenge to get through the entire movie I jut popped in the DVD player without food. To be completely honest, as I wrote that last sentence I thought about what was in the kitchen cupboards. It was just a flash in my brain that started with watching a movie and ended with my eating popcorn. But I can't give in today. I will beat this, at least for the next 90 minutes.