Last Day

On my morning news show I have a little 45 second segment called "Jump on Today." It runs each half hour and includes 3 quick little updates of things that are happening that day. Well, today I'm going to do that for you - accept instead of a Jump on the Day's News... you'll get a Last Day Update.

Here's a look at what I'm quitting ending today:
- The summer challenge. The last several weeks were quick and mostly painless - with me keeping nearly all of my goals *nearly all of the time. My list of achievements include losing 10.2 pounds, binging less than five times, and of course starting my marathon training.
- Intuitive Eating. It's a nice idea, but too early for me. I still want to lose a good 15 pounds and I don't think I can do it with Intuitive Eating. Last week I lost only .2 pounds which was disappointing during a week of intense exercise and my first week of I.E. Will re-visit when I'm at the maintaining stage.
- Obsessively Weighing Myself.  The scale is not my friend - and I need to stop making hourly play-dates with it.  Seriously, I know pooping makes me weigh less, eating makes me weigh more, and sleeping can go either way - so why am I still weighing myself after each thing I do?  My hubby will get the special operations assignment today to hide the scale.

Now on to something I won't be quitting - the marathon!  Last time I told you about my training it was a pretty depressing 'shoulda, woulda, coulda' post about giving up mid-run.

Now, I'm running with more strength than ever.  This morning I did a 3 mile run (for the second time!).  I honestly didn't know if I could do it after my first attempt to run 2 miles.  Who knew 2 miles could soon be a sinch?!  Well, take that word "sinch" loosely.  It's still tough, but I push through it.  On Wednesday I have my longest run yet - 3.5 miles.  I'll tell you how it goes.  Oh - and I posted an update about the marathon on my personal facebook account - now all my friends know.  There's no turning back now!

+1 (pound)

Too bad I'm not talking about my guest to the wedding I went to this weekend.  Instead, I'm talking about the lovely scale.  I gained a pound.  This is probably the first time that I'm not upset about the gain.  I had an insane week - I spent three days on the road, eating out everyday, all day.  I had planned for it in this post.  Here's how things worked out:

Exercise:

Between Friday - Sunday I worked out once.  Luckily there was a gym at the hotel I stayed at.  I jogged/walked for 30 minutes on Friday after arriving at the hotel.

Friday Goals:

I made a goal to skip the dinner roll at the wedding reception.  I did just that!  Later my husband told me it was a marginal roll that was so hard he could hardly rip it apart.  I ate about half of the dinner.  The slice of wedding cake was tiny, I ate only about 2/3s of it - which was not very much.

Saturday Goals:

Breakfast in the hotel was cereal and fat free milk, as planned.  I also had a banana.  For lunch my hubby and I went to California Pizza Kitchen.  I skipped my regular pizza order for a salad, but my husband let me have one single slice.  I had some sunflower seeds while driving - probably not the best idea, but hey, it was better than the Frito's calling my name during the drive.  I made the worst choice of all at dinner - quesadilla at an authentic Mexican restaurant, along with chips to start.  However, I did not eat all of the chips - I stopped way before my entree arrived.  Plus, the eating ended when I was full!

Sunday Goals:

For breakfast I had 2 mini fruit parfaits at McDonalds - and I skipped on the hash brown that my husband apparently ordered for me.  At lunch my husband and I were in line at a place with fried chicken and philli cheese steak.  I pulled myself together to leave the line - and went to another shop with fresh sandwiches.  I had a veggie sandwich on homemade bread, it was delicious (and expensive - lame Universal Studios prices).  On the ride home I bought a pack of mnm's - I was craving them all week.  I bought just a small pack instead of the usual medium size pack I buy on road trips.  I didn't have dinner on Sunday.

As far as my Summer Focus goals - I failed every single one. This week will be much better - here's where I'm tracking those goals.

These are my goals for the upcoming week:

1 - Lose some weight - to lose my goal of 16 pounds I need to get back on track by losing 2 pounds this week.

2 - Working out 4 times a week is not that hard - I just need to do it.  I always push it back to the last four days of the week - but this week I'm going to get them done in the first four days.

3 - Keep 100% calories

4 - Weigh myself only on Monday

5 - Run at least 1.5 miles

6 - Remember to live life, for each post I will mention the moment I remembered to live life that day

Living Life Moment

Today I played battleship with my husband!  It was a blast - we were both fighting to be the Americans in a war scenario.  In fact at one point we both started signing USA Pride songs - pretty ridiculous.  I adore him.  And by the way, we tied!

 

Uncomfortable, Comfort Zone

On Monday I weighed in at 154.8.  I cannot express how excited I was to see a 4 after that 15.  I haven't seen that number since I was a senior in high school (and even then it was short-lived, I was on Atkins and as many of us know - that's a disaster!).

154.8.  Just .2 pounds under my wedding weight.  That number 154 is my new best friend - at least, I thought.  So apparently because I've lost the 10 pounds that I am really good at losing I've decided to stop all efforts to lose weight and be healthy.  What is wrong with me?!!

Every single time I've reached 155 (or less!) I lose my mind.  Eating well and exercising are the first to go.  Then I start adding bad foods back to my diet.  Why do I do this?  Am I afraid of being skinny?  Am I sick of dieting?

This is what I'm thinking - I'm the fat girl.  I'm always the fat girl - just a little bit chubbier than all my friends, I wear the biggest size pants, I have the biggest chest, and I am the only one that can't share clothes.  Obviously that's not where I want to be.  Obviously I want to borrow my friend's dress for the wedding I'm going to this weekend.  Obviously I want to go shopping without hiding the number on the pants.  But somehow I can't convince my brain, my heart - something inside me, that being skinny will be good.

I am just so attached to this 'fat girl' persona.  I don't know who I will be without being the fat girl.  What will my place in my groups of friends be?  What if I fail when I try to get a new job?  How can I still be funny without being the funny fat girl.  Everything about me, since I was in 3rd grade, has revolved around the fact that I'm fat.  How can I survive without that?  That's like dying my hair blonde or going gothic.  Right?

I need to throw out my fear.  Somehow I need to move on, be proud, and strong because afterall, being in this "fat girl" comfort zone, is not all that comfortable.

Are any of you afraid to leave your chubbier self behind?  What do you do to remind yourself living a healthy lifestyle is okay?  HELP - before my scale crawls all the way back up to where I started!

An Apple a Day...

It's week 3 of the Summer Challenge and I have once again lost some weight!  In two weeks I've lost 5.4 pounds - 5.4 pounds.  A couple people have asked me how, and I've figured it out.

First let me tell you what it's not - it's not avoiding all snacks and sugar (this week alone I've had 2 slices of pie, 3 bites of frozen hot chocolate, 2 popsicles, crackers & cheese and a cinnamon roll). And my secret is definitely not getting to the gym everyday - only made it twice. It's not following all of my goals - I only kept one this week. In fact, my weight loss has nothing to do with my goals.

It has to do with something I read earlier this month, "If you’re not hungry enough to eat an apple, then you’re not hungry."

Snacking is my biggest downfall.  I get off work before noon - in the past I've headed to the cabinet for chips.  I usually devour a couple of the lunch-sized packages of Cheetos before making my lunch.  Lunch - because I'm just so hungry and can't stand to wait more than 30 seconds for food - would usually be nachos.  After lunch I have about 3 hours before my husband gets home.  In that time I traditionally watch TV while making cookies, brownies, or just munching on anything I could find - pudding, cheese & crackers, chips, popcorn, anything. My excuse for eating for 4 hours straight was first boredom, then it was that I was stressed, then it was "I don't know, but something is wrong." 

Over the last two weeks I've skipped my 4-hour long snacking.  Yes, I've had snacks - but not continuously.  Each time I've felt hungry I've walked into the kitchen and thought, "Am I hungry enough to eat an apple?"  I look at the bowl of apples - if I don't want one I leave the kitchen.  If I want one, I have a snack (not always an apple - but something healthier than chips.)

Cutting down my snacking is by far the biggest change I've made over the last two weeks and if apples are going to keep the doctor, dentist, snacking and five pounds away - I am in.

Crampin' My Style

I usually know something's a problem when my husband notices it - this falls into that category.

A couple weeks ago I was complaining about, yes, the 20 pounds I want to lose when my husband interjected something along the lines of, "You throw all of your hard work away during a few days every month." I instantly knew he was talking about the week of my lovely visitor, "Mother Nature." I was kind of taken aback that he realized my calorie intake went so far up during the week of my period. I probably gain around 5 pounds during this awful week! It's hard though - and most of you probably understand - the cravings, the cramps - how do I not skip the gym and grab some chocolate? That's not a rhetorical question - seriously, how do I not skip the gym and grab some chocolate?

This week, the week, I'm trying to stay focused on my goals and not on my pain. On day three I've done pretty good- with eating well each day and exercising yesterday.

Usually, I grab a bag of DOVE chocolates the instant I feel any kind of pain. This week I'm realizing those DOVE chocolates don't actually help anything. In fact, most of the time I don't think I'm actually having a craving as I am making an excuse to eat poorly. I mean, seriously, does pizza really help anything?

As far as the exercise goes - this week I decided I would be easy on myself. Yesterday I went to the gym with the intention of walking uphill on the treadmill. It went so well that I put in some sprints and jog intervals after a half hour. And I was fine! Usually I am just too sick to even get out of bed, but after yesterday's workout my cramps have been really moderate! I've heard rumors that exercise helps with cramps - but usually I'm too sick to test out the theory. Maybe there is truth to it (although I've been eating a ridiculous number of ibuprofen so it's hard to say).

Sorry Mother Nature, you're not crampin' my style this month!

One Week Down, 7 To Go

This week seemed like the longest of my life. Work was crazy, my personal life was crazy and I didn't get anything done! How can I be constantly on the move, but still not finish my checklist?

I'm pretty excited about my first week of the Summer Challenge!

Here's my goal report:
1. Lose 2 pounds a day - check!
I actually almost doubled that - losing 3.8 pounds. I now weigh 157! It's a little premature to get excited about this because this is the bottom of my yo-yoing range. This week I really need to prove to myself that I can keep eating healthy and working out.
2. Work out a minimum of 4 times a week - FAILED!
I only worked out twice last week. Less than half of my goal. This week I really need to make it happen and not let myself make excuses.
3. Keep a 100% accurate list of my calorie intake - ALMOST!
I kept track of everything I ate between Monday and Friday. My work schedule on the weekend is overnights and it's hard for me to stay on top of everything. That's hardly an excuse though, and I'll specifically focus on that this week. Even though I didn't write everything down, I'm about 90% positive I stayed within my calories.
4. Only weigh myself on Mondays - FAILED!
Okay, I'm lame. Maybe I should be giving myself grades because an F is harsh. This would be around a C. I weighed myself twice this week.
5. Be able to run 5 miles - SUCCESS!
I ran one mile this week, well on the way running 5 by the end of the week!

Overall I'm pretty proud of myself - I skipped a lot, and I mean a lot, of snacking opportunities. That probably played a huge role in my weight loss.

This Week:
I need to follow through! I'm happy about my weight loss, but I want to prove to myself that I can keep promises I make to myself. This week I will specifically be focused on goal 3 - writing down everything I eat!

Calories, Vanity Weight & Jillian Michaels

Today I met Ali Vincent! For those of you who don't know, she's the first female winner of "The Biggest Loser." I absolutely love that show, and if you watch people go through a weight loss journey you really feel like they are part of your life.

Right when I met Ali I began picking her brain.

First - what in the world are they eating on "The Biggest Loser." I feel like I just can't master what to eat, when to eat it, how much of it to eat. Ali says she ate 1200 calories while on the ranch. (Keep in mind that she's 5'5). Now she eats up to 2500 calories because of her intense workouts and because she is no longer trying to lose weight.

BUT - no matter how many calories you choose to eat you should separate them this way. According to Ali, you should split your calories into 4 equal parts - use three of the sections for meals and the fourth section for pre and post workout snacks.

Oh and I have to tell you this tip - it's going to change my sister's life - "eating after 5 p.m. is crap." If you're working out after 5 p.m. there needs to be calories fuel for that workout.

As you all know, I'm trying to lose 20 pounds. She looked at me and said, "You look great, you look physically healthy - for you it's not about saving your life. It's about vanity weightloss." Oh the lovely "vanity weight." She said her last 20 pounds were the hardest. Thanks for the encouragement Ali. Really though, it got me thinking. I do want to weigh less, I want to look better in a swim suit, and I want to be able to pull off skinny jeans - so it makes sense, vanity. BUT I have such a bad relationship with food. My life may not be in trouble physically, but mentally I have something I need to work out. There's a reason I have food following me around taunting me.

Now to the gossip, well kind of. I asked her about Jillian Michael's new show "Losing It with Jillian." She told me she had a hard time watching it because it's so much in so little time. On The Biggest Loser Ranch they have months where they work with the trainers, on the Losing It show - they have one week. I asked, "I just don't get it, how can Jillian come in and all of a sudden they know how to lose weight?" Ali says they all get a lot of help - trainers, etc. It's good to know I'm just not missing something. Oh and she rolled her eyes at some point during this conversation, hmmm? I still love Jillian Michael's show!

All in all, Ali is a sweetheart. She was very nice to my co-workers and I. It was a great to meet someone who inspired me (and America) while changing her own life!

Now I just need a nice long chat (no yelling) with Jillian.

I'm a Food Addict

Three weeks ago I checked my husband into rehab for a prescription pain pill addiction, but it wasn't until today that I realized I have my own problem - I am a food addict.

Today was my "Monday." You know what I'm talking about -- the new day, the day to start a brand new diet. I woke up and started my day off with 1 c. of Special K and 1/2 c. of 1% milk. Yay me! No problem here... until three hours later. That's when I devoured 12 chocolate chip cookies in less than an hour. The day didn't go much better from there - my thoughts were preoccupied with cookies, Cheetos and french bread.

My husband had a Narcotics Anonymous meeting at 4:30 p.m., but it was around 2 p.m. I started thinking about what I would eat when he left. My options - In 'n Out? But I thought, no, not enough calories, hmmm... Jack n' the Boxes curly fries? No, they'll leave a weird smell in my car and my husband will be able to detect it. Yes, I actually thought that. I thought about my options for about two and half hours until my husband left. When I couldn't see his truck from the front window anymore I ran to my car and headed to the grocery store. On my way there it hit me - I had to have those frosting-covered elephant cookies.

Fast forward about a half hour - I have the cookies. I'm sitting in my car, eating my first one. It wasn't good. In fact, it was gross and almost instantly hurt my stomach. Ugh. Now here's the shocker - I kept eating. While driving home I stuffed several handfulls in my mouth. Sitting in my living room I followed suit.

Finally, I put down the 14 oz. bag of cookies. I hadn't finished off the bag... now here's where the addiction part comes in. I went to the garbage can in my kitchen to throw away the half-eaten bag. My husband will see this when he comes home. So I moved to my next idea - taking it outside to the dumpster...nah, too cold. All of a sudden I found myself frantically running around the house looking for places to hide my bag of cookies... considering the same places I had searched for my husband's pain pills just three weeks ago: under the couch, under the sink, behind the dresser, in the closet, in a box of uneaten cupcakes. Finally I settled on beneath the bed.

Over the last three weeks I've been attending addiction meetings to support my husband. Now more than ever, I'm realizing he's not the only one with a problem. Yeah, maybe I won't kill myself by popping one too many elephant cookies tonight, but it is something that could chop ten years from my life if I continue living this way.

That is why tonight, I am starting a new (that's right, I am not waiting for a "Monday" or a new day. I am starting right in the middle of this one.) Join me in my Calorie Rehab journey... you'll hear about my recovery... in relation to my husbands' and hopefully learn about how you can change your life a little bit.