When I Knew I Was a Food Addict

2.9.10

Three weeks ago I checked my husband into rehab for a prescription pain pill addiction, but it wasn't until today that I realized I have my own problem - I am a food addict.

Today was my "Monday." You know what I'm talking about -- the new day, the day to start a brand new diet. I woke up and started my day off with 1 c. of Special K and 1/2 c. of 1% milk. Yay me! No problem here... until three hours later. That's when I devoured 12 chocolate chip cookies in less than an hour. The day didn't go much better from there - my thoughts were preoccupied with cookies, Cheetos and french bread.

My husband had a Narcotics Anonymous meeting at 4:30 p.m., but it was around 2 p.m. I started thinking about what I would eat when he left. My options - In 'n Out? But I thought, no, not enough calories, hmmm... Jack n' the Boxes curly fries? No, they'll leave a weird smell in my car and my husband will be able to detect it. Yes, I actually thought that. I thought about my options for about two and half hours until my husband left. When I couldn't see his truck from the front window anymore I ran to my car and headed to the grocery store. On my way there it hit me - I had to have those frosting-covered elephant cookies.

Fast forward about a half hour - I have the cookies. I'm sitting in my car, eating my first one. It wasn't good. In fact, it was gross and almost instantly hurt my stomach. Ugh. Now here's the shocker - I kept eating. While driving home I stuffed several handfulls in my mouth. Sitting in my living room I followed suit.

Finally, I put down the 14 oz. bag of cookies. I hadn't finished off the bag... now here's where the addiction part comes in. I went to the garbage can in my kitchen to throw away the half-eaten bag. My husband will see this when he comes home. So I moved to my next idea - taking it outside to the dumpster...nah, too cold. All of a sudden I found myself frantically running around the house looking for places to hide my bag of cookies... considering the same places I had searched for my husband's pain pills just three weeks ago: under the couch, under the sink, behind the dresser, in the closet, in a box of uneaten cupcakes. Finally I settled on beneath the bed.

Over the last three weeks I've been attending addiction meetings to support my husband. Now more than ever, I'm realizing he's not the only one with a problem. Yeah, maybe I won't kill myself by popping one too many elephant cookies tonight, but it is something that could chop ten years from my life if I continue living this way.

That is why tonight, I am starting a new (that's right, I am not waiting for a "Monday" or a new day. I am starting right in the middle of this one.) Join me in my Calorie Rehab journey... you'll hear about my recovery... in relation to my husbands' and hopefully learn about how you can change your life a little bit.