Fake It 'till You Make It

The fact that I have a blog called "Food: My Drug of Choice" tells you I have an obsession with food, weight, and everything in between... making the story I'm about to tell you seem even more odd.

Earlier this week, one of my co-worker/friends asked me if I had noticed she was losing weight.  Before even answering the question she responded, "I know, I know - you don't notice those kinds of things."  My thought, What?  I don't notice those kind of things?  haha, I don't notice those kind of things?  I notice if a person puts on or takes off half of a pound, so when my friend loses 7 pounds - I promise I notice.

But since moving and making a new set of friends I've been "faking it."  I say I exercise because it makes me handle stress.  I say I eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm not.  I say I don't count calories or weigh myself.  I say the key is to eating what you feel like eating.  I guess you can call it lies, but really it's the person I want to be.  I'm faking to so I can make it.

I don't want to talk about eating too much and gaining too much weight - it feeds into my addiction.  Instead, I want to be a new person - I want to be a person that doesn't obsess, that is just confident in the way I look, the way I feel.  So that's who I'm pretending to be, with the hope that I'll eventually get there.