'Are you not worth it?'

Before posting about what I want to write about - I should say, I have so missed you all. I've missed your support - through comments and reading your blogs. My life has settled a little after my big move and new job - so I'm back!!

Now here's what this post is all about:

The last 48 hours have been different than the last month - on Friday I skipped lunch and dinner... eating maybe 200 calories all day. Today, well, I made up for the lack of calories yesterday - ice cream sundae brunch, chip breaks all day, and chocolate to wrap up the night.

The change from the last month? A negative pregnancy test.
Why is it that during the couple weeks I hoped I was pregnant, I was willing to eat well? Eating plenty of fiber, fruits and veggies, and protein. Why was it, that I didn't start eating for two until I found out I wasn't pregnant?

About a year ago this time - my husband was just getting out of rehab for a pain pill addiction.  As part of the program I attended a family meeting at the rehab center as part of my own "recovery."  During my first meeting, I heard a teenage girl talk about how her dad was high through her entire life.  Naturally, when it was my turn to speak I said something like, "I just can't imagine sitting here with a child.  What if we had kids?  I would never want to put my kids through something like this?"

The guy in charge responded, "Are you not worth it?"

I replied, "what?"

"Are you not worth it?" he repeated, "you wouldn't want your kids to go through this, but you think it's okay that you are?"

I didn't know how to respond.

I may still have a hard time putting myself first, or at least taking the time to care about myself - but I'm trying to change that.  Being thin is more about being attractive - it's about being healthy.  It's not only about fitting into my skinny jeans, but it's about living an extra decade.  I'm worth it, we're worth it - food is not.