Two is Better Than One Three

Taste has little to do with binging.  Yes, it may start out as an innocent bite of something delicious, but after dozens of bites it turns into ravaging-animalistic quest to eat the most, the quickest.

Binging turns my favorite ice cream, chocolate or chips into a drug to numb my feelings.  It's actually quite disgusting/embarrassing when I think about it - I go from taking a bite of something to throwing it into my mouth as fast as possible.  It's all about leaving no crumbs behind.  There's no thought process involved, just munching to munch.  It's a blind attempt to fill my stomach as fast as possible.

This happened to me today, well, kind of.  When I got home from work and running errands I was starving (that's the first sign that something bad will happen when I walk into the kitchen).  While making lunch I opened the fridge to find leftover cupcakes - not your average cupcake, homemade lemon cupcakes filled with lemon curd and topped with lemon frosting.  I can't deny that the flavor of these things is divine - probably one of the best treats I've ever had.  That's why I grabbed one while making lunch.  I enjoyed every bite of lemony goodness.  When I was done I should have been able to be content - that taste had made an appearance in my day and that should have been enough.  But, I'm obsessed with food - so I don't know what would make me think I could stop eating on this particular day with this particular food.

I grabbed a second cupcake.  This one did not taste as good.  I ate it in the same way you've see lions going at a wildebeest on the discovery channel - no mercy.  I tore that thing apart pretty good - within seconds it was gone devoured.

I reached into the fridge for a third cupcake.  Finally, the voice in my head woke up and started talking, telling me to back away from the treats.  I followed orders and ate lunch instead.

After lunch, you will not believe this, my first thought was cupcake.  (yeah, it wasn't even a full sentence.  Just caveman-like "cupcake.")  I was stuffed - two cupcakes and a full lunch doesn't leave a lot of room for more food.

I considered my options:
1) eat another cupcake
2) don't eat another cupcake

I considered how each option would play out:
1) by my binging standards I should definitely eat another one, but I already didn't feel good.  I am stuffed and adding another 300 calorie cupcake won't help the matter.  Will the cupcake even taste good, will those calories be worth it if I'm just throwing it down my throat?
2) if I don't eat a third the worst case scenario would be that I could have one tomorrow.  By tomorrow I won't be stuffed, I can actually enjoy the sugary treasure.

Obviously the worst case scenario of the 2nd option was really not that bad.  I took number two up on it's offer.  I finished my day without adding a third cupcake to my log of calories.

Could an epiphany been nice before I got to the second cupcake?  Yeah, but at least it came.  I was able to walk away without feeling (too) stuffed.

My goal for next time - one is enough.  One is better than two.  But for today, because after all I'm a work in progress - two will have to be better than three!  I'm counting this as a victory.

Living Life Moment

Today I had to go to the DMV.  Instead of complaining I explained to my friend that I was thrilled to be there because my husband's car finally passed emissions.  I was also very nice and talkative to the woman at the counter.  A typically bad experience was a much better one instead!