Attempting to Control

Day 3 of no chocolate.
11 a.m. - I get off work
11:10 a.m. - I drive to Vons
11:12 a.m. - I have a bag of chocolate
11:15 a.m. - I get home and talk to my husband
11:20 a.m. - I tell my husband I must have chocolate, just one piece. He says, "too bad, we don't have any." I reveal my secret stash. He says, "NO." And grabs it from me. (Okay - that may sound like I have a controlling husband, but he's actually trying to help me with my food addiction.)

At this point I beg with my husband, "Let me have just one. Just three. I can have just three, and I won't eat anymore."

That's when he told me about how he tried to control his pill addiction. He says he would quit for small portions of time, but then would realize he needed just one pill to get through the day. He would take that pill... and about a half hour later... he would take just one more. With two under his belt for the day, he would figure the rest of the day was shot and he would just quit the next day. He says every time he tried to quit by controlling his usage he wasn't able to. Addicts cannot control their addiction... hence the word "addict."

I don't think I need to give up chocolate forever, but I do need to be able to control what I am putting in my body. If I can't eat chocolate until I learn how to take care of myself - then fine... that's what I'll do.


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