Comfort in an Uncomfortable Place

August 2004: My first year of college, away from home, and on-my-own. I had dreamed of this time in my life for years - a college girl, living in the dorms, and dating lots of cute boys. Maybe it was all that dreaming that made my expectations so high, and even unreachable. Freshman year of college turned out to be the worst of my life. In the first couple months, I lost all the friends I made during freshman orientation (it was a Halloween fiasco, another story for another time). Only one friend stood with me through it all - food.

My freshman year became a huge eating fest. I would hit up the vending machines at all hours of the night - gobbling ice cream sandwiches, candy bars, and those sweet-and-sour watermelon treats. Then I'd feast on mozzarella sticks and cheese balls. I tried diet after diet, each lasted for about a week - and I went back to self-medicating with food.

It doesn't take a genius to figure out - all that packed on the pounds, 28 pounds to be exact. I have since lost that weight (yay!) and kept it off four years.

Fast forward.

October 2010: My first time getting an on-air job, away from my husband, and on my own. I've dreamed about this opportunity since the day I learned how to write.

See the problem? For the second day in a row I'm stuffing my face with chocolate. How do I stop? How can I stop? I am all alone and my only friend is Dove chocolates with caramel - in fact, the message on the wrapper just told me how wonderful I am.

My plan for the moment is to finish this bag of chocolates. I seriously feel as if I have no other choice. My mind is telling me that I'll start a new diet tomorrow - I am so against that idea. I want to be healthy starting at this exact moment.

I just reached into the bag of delicious comfort - to find another message from my only friend. Dove says, "Constantly strive to reinvent yourself." Case closed - I guess that's what I'll do, right now. I am throwing the rest of the bag into a box.

I don't have to be the girl that eats when I'm lonely, scared, or anxious. I can be the girl that knows how to cope, without eating. I can reinvent myself.

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11 comments:

Karen

I hope you don't hate me for this... but throw away the rest of the chocolate. Just toss them now! Tomorrow, you will be glad you did. I have been there and done that, not with Dove candy, but with many other things. Just wanted to finish what I had and start tomorrow. Too many tomorrows led to a lot of gain. You can do this my friend:)

Food Addict

You're right. I'm throwing them away.

Sharon

Right now, you need a real friend - a human friend. I traveled enough for long periods of time in CorporateLand to know it's a minefield for anyone trying to lose or maintain weight. I know you must be swamped with the new job, but would now be a time to join a gym, join Weight Watchers or SOMETHING??? You wouldn't even have to continue WW after getting your feet under you, but at least now it would be some "real" accountability. If you are anywhere near East TN, I'll come be your friend. Well, I AM your friend, but I'll do it in person! (Except that right now I'm in Alexandria, VA for another week - anywhere near here??)

I so hear your desperation - throw the chocolate away.....NOW!

Jenn Barley | The KickStart Coach

Great post -- you are able to deal with being lonely, fear and anxiety. You just have to know what is is that is really causing the emotion. So if you feel lonely -- how can you connect with someone else? if you have anxiety -- what is it really about? What is a plan that you can create to minimize it.

You have the power to reinvent yourself at any moment -- and I know you can do it.

Lauren

I know how you feel. I gained weight, lost it and am now slowly gaining it back again. I am trying to stop it right now before it gets too out of hand. It is very hard. I am stuck in a rut of thinking tomorrow I will start and never actually starting. I am starting a blog of my own to try to keep myself on track.

Dr. J

You better learn some concrete eating behaviors that you will apply to your situation or you will fail. Abstract thinking like I'll reinvent myself have never worked for anyone. Take prepared meals to work, have low calorie, high volume foods available to you, plan ahead and stick to your plan. I wish that this will be helpful.

beerab

I was going to suggest giving the chocolate away to someone (I hate throwing food) so they'll enjoy it and you don't have to worry about it anymore :)

Transitions are tough but you can do it! Don't give in to temptation!

Anna

I know how you feel... I felt very out of control, anxious, etc. when I started my new job, too. And it's so easy to turn to food. But when I would think logically about it, realistically..was a bar of chocolate going to ACTUALLY make my transition any easier? No... if it would, therapists would prescribe chocolate! :)

Carla

Great post! And I agree with Karen above...

Anonymous

As fabulous as your friend Dove is, it will not be a lasting friendship. In fact (from my experience)its a friendship that will last only about 10 seconds, the time it takes to eat it. Not long after that, Dove and a few of his buddies will actually feel more like enemies as they sit in your stomach and make you feel sick. Running, dancing, writing, scrapbooking are your true friends, they make you feel good long after.

Amber Raza

Phentermine is a non-prescription alternative to Phentermine. Phentramin's herbal formula is designed to provide the same appetite suppression as prescription diet pills, but without the potentially dangerous side effects.

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