My Marriage is Making Me Fat

Since starting this summer challenge (and every time I start any challenge/weight loss plan/diet) my husband seems to have a hankering for junk food.  In just two days he's enticed me with cake, Marie Callender's pie, popcorn, and Ben & Jerry's (twice).  I kid you not.  I said no to everything.  He only ended up buying Ben & Jerry's and popcorn - I watched him eat both. Does he want me to stay fat forever?

When my husband went into rehab for a pain pill addiction the people at the facility advised me to go to my own meetings.  They're meetings for co-dependent spouses and family members called Nar-Anon.  Basically their definition of a co-dependent person is anyone who enables an addict and anyone who will deal with their spouse's addiction just so things don't change.  I threw a fit about not being co-dependent and didn't go to the Nar-Anon meetings (I did go to the intensive outpatient to support my husband, just so you know I am supportive!)

I know my husband loves me and wants me to succeed, but at the same time I think he doesn't want me to change.  That includes changing the way I look.  I think he's worried --at least subconsciously -- that part of my personality will change, maybe I won't love him as much, or will leave him or something.  We've known each other since high school and I've always been yo-yoing around this weight.  In his eyes my weight is tied to who I am, and he doesn't want me to lose that (literally).

For almost all the years I've known my husband he's been addicted to pills unbeknownst to me.  When I found out, I was truly terrified that he would change into a different person without them.  I remember thinking what if the person I married isn't who he really is?  But that wasn't enough for me to risk him dying (see I'm not co-dependent) and I dropped him off at rehab.  I took a chance, and he's about 10X better clean!! 

I guess I'll just have to be "clean" and prove to him I'm the same person.  But seriously, I don't down a pint of lortabs in front of him!

8 comments:

Karen@WaistingTime

He probably is scared. And the reality is, you DON'T know how you will change, if you will change. But surely you will still love him and the things he loves about you will remain the same. I hope you can find a way to help him understand how much his support would mean to you. Hugs.

Food Addict

I can't imagine not loving him!!! Also, I can't imagine I'll be any different... I've weighed less before and I'm really exactly the same!

Thanks for the support!

Linda Pressman

I'm over here from Waisting Time. I was interested in reading because of your blog title. I'm a Food Addict too but I've been in 12-step for it for 10 years. MUCH easier than dieting!

Food Addict

Hi Linda, thanks for stopping by. My whole life I thought I just had a strange obsession with food, that is until I checked my husband into rehab. During meetings for the addict's family and friends I was shocked to hear about all the behaviors of an addict - that's when I realized I did everything with food that my husband did with pills. I realized my bad relationship with food is an addiction. That's when I came up with this blog.

I would love to learn more about the 12 steps. It seems like I could come to grips with my addiction and permanently fix the issue - instead of a quick-fix of dieting.

therightfit

I think it can be very hard for people when we change, and I think you are right to want to show your husband how wonderful you are without your extra weight and/or addiction. My husband has noticed that I am a lot calmer and cheerful since I gave up the foods that I am addicted to. I am not as grumpy, etc.

Food Addict

Carla - if only your husband had a blog about you I could send my husband too :) There are so many days that my mood is dictated by food and I can imagine I would be a lot easier be around without that.

Janet

We DO seem to have a lot in common. I have a post titled "My Job is Making Me Fat." LOL Yes, others in our life play a big part in our diet choices, for sure.

Food Addict

Janet that is too funny! I'm glad I came across your blog. Wouldn't it be nice if we could just hide away while we tried to lose weight... and then come back into the world?!

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